Sunday, July 27, 2008
Your Love Is A Lie.
Guys, i'm very troubled now. I'm carrying a very heavy burden in me right now. I'm near suicidal. Seriously. It is nothing to do with relationships, studies, or friendship. But to do with my current status. (i'm not referring to the single/attached status) I can't bring myself to smile, neither can i bring myself to have any interest in life. All i can do is to continue seeking God as i already had before this burden. He has brought me through 2 times. This is now strike 3. I don't want out at strike 3. I did a mistake. And it is killing me as every second passes. How can i continue with my d&t? I cannot concentrate on anything. God, please help me through, just once more...
A memory locked at 7:50 PM
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Friday, July 25, 2008
Just So You Know.
I shan't blog much about today. Had a bad day. Only thing good is that my group has to re-take our class picture because teacher wanted to add an absent boy into our group so that he has a part in the class. Anyway in the original picture i was botak, but in this re-shoot I'm not. So that is perhaps the only joyful thing about school today.
A memory locked at 11:08 PM
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Thursday, July 24, 2008
The 7 Things I Hate.
Well, today school was pretty okay. After school went Kinokuniya with Eugene and Marwin. And i wanted to train, but it rained. But i started at 630pm anyway. Decided to turn back at AMK when the rain was really too difficult to tolerate. i knew i shouldn't have cycled today. Firstly, a cab dashed out of a parking lot and i was close to crashing. And it was wet. What if i couldn't stop in time? :/ And furthermore, there was a lorry behind. What if he didn't stop in time too? I would be sandwiched instantly. Second time was when dirt went into eye. I was blinded. Good thing i reached a Red light to stop and calm down a bit. Thirdly, 2 cars came together and i almost got sandwiched between them. Again, i was lucky enough to brake in time. :/ Argh. Singapore roads are so screwed up. And only one person horned at me today, even though i wasn't in the wrong. And guess who? Obviously a taxi driver. As usual. I'm super pissed with them already.
A memory locked at 8:26 PM
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Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Rubik's Cube-y.
Well, Tuesday was kinda boring. After school stayed back for Superteens. :/ Well, i want my 10 points. I want my straight As. Wednesday woke up seeing dark clouds, but still left home without an umbrella. Jun Hong shared with me his umbrella. School passed pretty fast and i slept from 3pm till 8pm. :/ Tomorrow is gonna pass real slow. Ohwells. I'm gonna train one round(50KM) around the Western circle of Singapore tomorrow. (: Time to work out my legs.
A memory locked at 10:50 PM
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Monday, July 21, 2008
Pulau Ubin.
Haven't been there in ages. :/ Anyway, today after school went home. Then rushed over to Tampines Library to study with Regina. Apparently i was pretty late cause i kinda lost my sense of direction, for once. arghs. Anyways after that had dinner at Pasir Ris and then walked her home to Simei. Long walk, but had nice talk. (: Nice scenery too, i must say. xD Reached home at 1020pm. 1hr20minutes to get home. Ohwells. So now im updating before i bathe and then off to my lala-land. (: And oh, it's time for me to start training again. Haven't cycled in ages. I don't want to downgrade to a one pack and ugly legs. ):
A memory locked at 11:07 PM
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Sunday, July 20, 2008
Saviour King.
Woke up at 815am, snoozed till 850am. Prepared myself, and left home at 925am to go study at Woodlands. It was only me and Grace. :/ Library packed, so we went to eat at mac before we studied at Starbucks. I dripped Maple Syrup at Mac and stained my shorts, at the wrong place. Argh. Anyway then Jeremy came. And during lunch time we got chased out of Starbucks. :/ So went to library and sat on the floor. Then after a long time, we got a table. And we left a lil' bit after 7pm... Studied 8 hours today. (: I'm starting to panic for my d&t. I have no idea on what to squeeze in.. :/
A memory locked at 9:02 PM
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Saturday, July 19, 2008
Always Give 100%.
I've learnt to match white and black together. They always turned out bad last time. But nvm. Today i woke up 2 hours late at 12noon. So i bathed, ate lunch, and rushed down in a cab. Just as i boarded it, i heard this loud and crazy ringtone. And it wasnt the uncle's phone and it came from beside me. :/ So i turned and saw this phone. So i told the uncle that his previous passenger's phone was there. Picked it up, and returned to the guy at block 85. Luckily we were still in tpy. Anyway i reached church(JW) early. Was there to watch Ryan & Elison get water baptised. Sigh. I could have been there too. After that i cabbed down to Expo with John, James, & Jeremy to Expo. If not Nic would be queueing alone cause shuttle bus only comes after 4. Managed to get Charlie, but this guy just sat in without notice. It's super rude. And really disappointing for me. For 3 months straight i have been running there in hope for seats there, and i was so encouraged today. But he just ruined it. Sigh Sigh Sigh. Nvm. I went out after pre-service prayer meeting and i saw Daphne, my cousin. hah. surprising. Thought she goes for Sunday service. :/ Anyway service was great. But after that i was tired. After service we ate dinner then took train home. Ohwells.
A memory locked at 11:27 PM
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Time After Time...
I have changed. I have been told off about it, and i have been commented on. So i was determined to change, and i feel that i have made progress. So why can't you just believe me? Why can't you just let go of my past and live with the changed me? I'm being accountable, and trying to be someone that can be trusted. What you're doing doesn't encourage me at all. You were the first after so long that i tired to be honest with, to come clean with everything. But it doesn't encourage me if you hog on and judge me by my past.
I can never be appreciated by anyone. I try so hard, yet no one bothers. I force myself to change for the better, yet i can never make anyone happy with whatever i do. And this is one of my self-esteem issues.
A memory locked at 12:49 AM
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Friday, July 18, 2008
I Love Gavin Rossdale.
His song rock. Anyway, thursday was pretty fast. And i had 4 periods of d&t. I stayed back to do my layout pad and played some ball game on teacher's tablet. so fun. Anyway i went home and found out my IC was found! So i rushed down to ICA to collect it. Super duper happy. Anyway went home, slept awhile, then had dinner with jeremy, rita, meitong, and nic. As for friday, i went out at 330pm. Walked around with Shery and her friends. Reached Clarke Quay at about 630pm for dinner before prayer meeting. And after that went homeeee. (: Ziqiang and Steph are getting water baptised tomorrow. (:
A memory locked at 11:58 PM
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Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Sentosa!
Nah i didn't go sentosa. It's a school day. As i've said, my titles are entirely random. (: But it's just that i saw the sentosa brochure on my com table and couldn't think of something random, so ta-da! Sentosa! XD Anyways school was a drag as usual. Went study group today. Learnt a pretty important part of Chem today. Should i say that i am improving in my studies? Pretty pretty. (: Anyhow, i love the rain. Just wish that it can rain more. So nice. (:
A memory locked at 9:53 PM
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Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Peek-a-Boo.
Lets see now. School is slack. Not that bad. But tomorrow and thursday comes the murdering days which kill my energy just to go to school. It's the days which i have combine humanities. And everyone should know that i can never get anything productive out of history and SS. But anyhow, friday is inter-house games day. Depending on my mood and sleepy-ness, i'll decide on that morning whether i'm gonna attend that unproductive school day for point-less games. XD
A memory locked at 8:51 PM
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Monday, July 14, 2008
Taxi Drivers Again.
Here prints another headline news about taxi drivers in The Newpaper, 14 July 2008 edition. See, i really don't understand them. Yes, sure, they are people who help us and serve us. But do they do it with a great attitude? I do not fully support the mindset of some that all taxi drivers are plain bastards. Perhaps only some. Just today, i saw a taxi driver who was unwilling to give way to a car changing lanes. Just a few more meters and she would have missed her right turn, having to travel almost a kilometer down to make a U-turn instead. Where is the logic of this? Bukit Timah is already noisy enough, yet he still sounded his horn incessantly. Think about it. Horning and slowing down to "stare" at the person would definitely waste you more time compared to just giving way, and then speeding off. I mean after all, aren't you money-faced? Doesn't time mean money to you? Taxi drivers think that the world owes them a living and are always driving like their ancestors bought all the roads in Singapore, giving them the benefit of driving the way they like to. It is so amusing that everytime i'm on the roads, taxi drivers are 5 times more likely to horn at me compared to normal cars. Are they robots? Programmed to horn at everything "that seems to go in their way", even though most of the time they are the ones in the way? Seems like it. And my mindset will not change until all the taxi companies in Singapore re-educate their drivers and impose a stricter disciplinary code. Template responses like "we have reprimanded the driver mentioned..." will not work anymore because they are obviously ineffective. And i can safely say that none of the taxi drivers deserve the tip or 30 cent increase. Even the nice ones don't deserve it. Because the few irresponsible taxi drivers ruin the entire image of the taxi industry in Singapore.
A memory locked at 5:32 PM
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Sunday, July 13, 2008
A Beautiful Dream.
This shall be one of the few times which my title is related to my post. I have a secret. I have lived with it happily and sad for these two days. And i can't keep it anymore, but i won't mention what it is about. Don't probe me either... I had a beautiful dream on Friday night.. It wasn't sinful, but it was quite wrong. It was a dream that would change the way we see lives. It was a dream that i can jump for joy at. A dream that would change my perspective on many things. It felt so real and beautiful, i forced myself back into sleep. Which is why i only woke up at around 130pm. It was the best dream that i ever had - A dream that i wished was reality... And will be a dream reminding me through the upcoming week, and etched in me forever, in my heart.
A memory locked at 10:59 PM
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Sunday's Monday-Blues.
Today went to study at 600 Mac with Steph, Vann, and Grace. Reached at 1pm, and left close to 8pm. About 7 hours of study? wow. Did my d&t. I just knew recently that my deadline for coursework isn't August, but end of July - submission for prelims. That leaves me with about 2 weeks. Ohgosh. I've got to complete d&t, prepare for prelims, all in the next few weeks. All i can say, i under estimated the easy-ness of completing my coursework. God, help me.
A memory locked at 9:40 PM
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Fly High.
As i did my usual research, i suddenly bumped into a pretty interesting idea. How about having my future wedding in a cinema? Wouldn't that be cool, compared to the usual churches and hotels? And as for the proposal, i've actually been told an idea before... I'll just have to pretend that i love the Kinder Surprise chocolate egg for a week or two. And when it seems normal for me to offer her kinder surprises, give her one which has the proposal ring in it. ;D how to get it in there? Cut it with a hot knife. Then close it back. Neat eh? Anyway i also don't know why i'm blogging about this. :/ ohwells. kinda random... (:
A memory locked at 2:41 AM
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Friends After Relationship?
Well, shall start with Friday. Nothing much happened in school. Except for Chem. Jeremy added ammonia, chlorine, and a lot others in a test tube and it started to give off a white gas. :/ Obviously he quickly poured it to the sink but its probably the 2 most pungent gas in chemistry so the area started smelling crapy for awhile. argh. Anyway after school went out with Angeline. Had pizzahut then walked around j8. Cgm after that, and then home.
As for Sat, i woke up pretty late at around 130pm and bought my own lunch. Went for service, was great. Then had dinner with the peeps before going home. (:
Well, as everyone should know, i have a corner dedicated for my home theatre. And everyday, i just sit there while the music plays, trying to figure out what's missing from it. Almost 6 over years of fiddling with dvds, over 4 years of testing with sound systems, and a year of creating a home theatre that looks good, i still cannot find the perfect feeling and ambience for my system. I am not satisfied with it yet. Maybe tonight i'll do something about it.. :/
A memory locked at 12:30 AM
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Thursday, July 10, 2008
Dry Day.
Weather seemed fine before i left home. But i wondered why people brought umbrellas out. :/ When i reached Newton, it started drizzling. I think i'm blind. I can't even tell if it's gonna rain. While walking to school after alighting from the bus, the heavy downpour started. Got super drenched when i reached school. rawrs. But well, there was a double-rainbow after the downpour. ;D Apparently my phone's megapix ain't that good. But yeah...
Then in d&t i did acrylic work. Apparently the lower sec class there was super interested in whatever i was sawing. :/ And i feel so nice. I'm doing dusty and dirty work but i don't have to put on a dust coat. Whereas the lower sec are only doing soldering and they need a dust coat. Poor things. Anyway, when i was sanding down my acrylic, 3 times i lost the grip on the workpiece and it flew off the sanding machine, flying down one level. :/ Good thing it didn't crack.. And apparently, the day seems longer than it is suppose to be. :/ I prefer having any lessons in school except for SS and history cause we're still not at revision yet, where you just relax and do revision. ):
A memory locked at 9:41 PM
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Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Cute Kitty.
It's either building technology, product designing, psychology, or architecture. Which one will i be going to? I do not know. IBT & psychology is temasek, PDI is ngee ann, and architecture is SP. When i tell my possibility of choosing psychology, everyone is shocked. I don't look like someone who can counsel or read your mind through your behaviour. I have the air-con man look. A technician's look. Someone who can help the average to fix his circuit or anything important in his house which seems basic to me and complicated to him. Whatever the case, i know that i have the talent in me now to fix things. All i need is a sample of something to dismantle to figure out how it works, to fix that actual something. That is my natural talent. Also, not forgetting my sense of direction. ;D Apparently i rock at it.
A memory locked at 9:54 PM
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Monday, July 07, 2008
Strong Waves, Rocky Boat.
Disappointment is something that we all go through. Some have been through many, others a few. The speaker set that i lug to BBQs which require my music is the speaker that is used for the surround sound in my room. I have just re-installed it back with ease as i played my ipod through my amplifier. And then i thought, why don't i play it through the surround speaker set alone? And so i did. And i was almost brought to tears as i feel the same atmosphere that i felt yesterday at the bbq. I know i shouldn't feel lousy now. This is not my b'day bbq. But i still felt a sense of disappointment on my own accord.
The music, the reverberation of the reverberation with low treble, yet with an average bass and strong acoustic. Not the best quality sound an expert might consider, but pleasing enough for the average. Clouds of smoke puff upward and away from the pit of charcoals as chit-chattering brings life unto the quiet and deserted park. Used cups and plates strewn over the table and the gentle melody of crashing waves play as the night slowly whizzes by.
Somehow this is the best i could describe to the strength of my language ability. I know it's lousy. But anyway, something just doesn't seem to take this burden away from me. Maybe you can say, when you're just sitting down and not helping much, you don't feel a thing. But if you're there to do every single chore like to really plan, cook, serve, AND set-up, you'll feel a sense of accomplishment. But for me, when it's over, i'll feel a tinge of sadness as well that will grow into something bigger. This is what happens to me everytime. It is like i can't let go and move on. I stay stagnant at the fact that it is over. And this isn't good... Sigh.
A memory locked at 11:48 PM
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Just Give Up On Me.
Well, shall update for sat and sunday. Saturday suppose to wake up early for study group. But snoozed 2 hours too long till 2pm. Service was great. Really thought of many things. Really reflects what i do. A disappointment is an appointment you look forward to which never occured. Ohwells. I have kept my tears. Only one person know why i have those tears held back, and i finally let it out on sat night. Couldn't endure. Can't stab myself with a knife and be silent.
Anyway i slept at about 630am, and woke up at 12noon on sunday. Packed, and prepared, and went over Vann's house. Met steph on the bus. Went her house to help carry things down. The walk from downtown to the bbq pit with the ice-box that i carried was an absolute torture. It can kill. Settled down and set up the pit. Went to buy some other miscellaneous items from Fairprice at downtown. Cheers ran out of ice, a bad thing. BBQ food came at around 5pm. The weather seemed uncertain but eventually turned out fine. People streamed in slowly. Was a great BBQ. Many left around 10pm but me, ruiliang, and vann stayed on. Jaan joined us at 12. We stayed till about 2am and we packed up, and took cab back. So here i am, home sweet home now. (: This is a pretty dry and long post... :/
A memory locked at 3:45 AM
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Saturday, July 05, 2008
Panadol, My Frequent Drug.
Well, this post is for Friday. School today was super carefree with teachers who don't give two hoots about you. Geog teacher went crazy, easy periods the whole day - what more could i ask for? (: Re-Modified my crossbreed aerobar and now the speedometer lags in taking readings. Maybe i should really lay off cycling for awhile.
A memory locked at 1:18 AM
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Thursday, July 03, 2008
LOVE is Over-rated.
I'm sorry. I'm gonna use random titles just to attract attention. lols. Today i gave school a miss cause i woke up with the sleepy monster attacking me along with the usual migraine. Anyway please, i am not over-dressing or emo. (: Full black is just something i wear cause it's a safe colour, like white - just that wearing white will look like i'm going to a funeral or i'm an aspiring PAP wannabe. And as for the eyeliner, it's just for beauty. That's all. Fullstop. Disagree with it, but that's my own self-esteem issues. (:
A memory locked at 8:38 PM
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Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Lazy.
Laziness has gotten the better of me. I haven't cleared facebook, replied friendster comments, and i haven't been updating this blog. Firstly, Monday evening i replaced my crossbreed tyre tubing. After pumping it up, it burst. Wasted 12 bucks just like that. Argh. So nvm, i used my mountain instead. When i came back, my rear derailleur broke off from it's mount. I had a hard time towing it back. I was so frustrated. And now, i'm declaring a few months off cycling. I'm quitting it. So yeah. I'm sick and tired of constantly having to do self maintenance on 3 bikes. It's like a wife and 2 mistresses - a cross and two mountains. I hate it. I had enough. I have wasted enough money into this hobby. Anyway yesterday was studying, then went junliang's gandma's wake. And today went bbq wholesale center with vann and steph to plan for her bbq. And thats about it. Shall update again soon, i hope.
A memory locked at 10:40 PM
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