Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Anonymous people
I don't see the purpose of me keeping this blog actually. No one bothers to read it. It's only for myself, except those random strangers/vague acquaintances who pass by to drop anonymous tags which may range from nice things to horrible things - both of which I usually ignore like what I do to my phone. Anyway, my holidays are filled with work. Hoping it won't eat into church after this weekend anymore. Hoping I can persuade and get only half shifts for Saturday.
Anyway, I will aim to be a nice person for the remaining of this year, and hopefully for the many more years to come. I shan't go about moodswinging or showing shit. That's my aim. Will be really difficult, but I'll try. Try to keep my emo-ing away from this blog or anywhere else. Maybe only on Twitter. heh. Ahwells. I should be sleeping soon.
A memory locked at 2:21 AM
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Sunday, September 26, 2010
Airplanes in the night sky...
I've been in a pretty much of a hiatus from religion lately. Perhaps I could say that I'm too ashamed to meet the people that I know over in church. Jeremy would know what I'm talking about. No one knows except him. I may be hiding it, but it really keeps me up thinking every night how I might have said some things wrongly, or in a tone people misunderstood. No matter the misunderstanding, it is a huge embarrassment to receive that 'crown' for the camp. I just don't know how to face people again. Work would be a few other issues but they don't really matter.
On a slightly different note, I skipped church for the first time in years for a non-valid reason. Or at least to me, it's considered non-valid since I've always been the one talking about how a person prioritising his commitments would show his true self. I've skipped church for very valid reasons before, like time to recuperate at home after an operation, or school projects that require every member to be there. But today, I skipped it for work. Something that bugged me whenever people do that. And honestly, I don't feel good. Not because I'm doing something I hate, but because it is my home. Every Saturday, that house is my home. It's not my second home, but my first. I will be away for two weekends and I really don't wish to continue feeling this way. Sigh. I really hope that something changes. I'm feeling the farthest away now. Despite the joy that I may have, a huge part of me is still drowning in an unknown and sour bitterness.
Sigh. On a different note, I think I've been seen as an emotional kid. But that isn't really true. It's just that I don't blog about my happy things. It's mostly on things I need to let out in hope of a better feeling inside of me. But yes, I don't feel too good now. I need a friend.
A memory locked at 3:43 AM
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Sunday, September 19, 2010
I guess everyone has weird people they know.
Weird would probably be the wrong word. Because it's normal. People find all sorts of reasons that are false, but somehow twist it to make it sound true hoping it helps them forget about someone who broke his/her fragile heart. I know many who find all sorts of twisted reasons which if seen from an outsider's view is totally false and believing in it in hope for something to change. I know it well because I was one of them. Still am actually. Like ever met someone who kept insisting his/her ex is a slut/man-whore/bastard/bitch, even though it's obvious that it is not totally true? And even if it sounds true, it is because he/she only tells the friends what he or she sees, but not from the "slut/man-whore/bastard/bitch's" point of view? Ohwell. People. We're all created in such a weird way.
Anyway I've been working a lot the past week. I've started since Sunday the 12th and only got a break on Thursday. Now I'm having a 2 day break. It's awesome. :D Gonna go kite flying by the barrage tomorrow and slack for the rest of my break. Maybe pack my messed up room too. heh.
A memory locked at 1:50 AM
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Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Let's see now.
I've been attempting to study since two weeks ago. I sorta failed halfway. Read my notes, yes. Understand the notes, mostly. Memorize the notes, no. Able to do past semester's paper, fail.
I swear I'm screwed. But whatever. Shall push myself harder. And I can't find the same motivation that I had when I studied for O's. ): Ohwells. I'm not prepared to fail my papers. ):
Anyway, I've realised something. I don't have the habit of keeping up conversations or posts. Like right now, I've conversations in the form of texts from people hanging in my phone and I'm too lazy to reply since they were hanging for over 24 hours. I can never keep up with a conversation for more than a day. Same goes for my twitter and facebook. I just always somehow forget about it and eventually I won't bother replying since it was due many hours ago. Well, people have sorta commented on this saying it's bad. But I just don't know how to reply after like 20 hours or something. :/ Like, how am I supposed to say in my texts "Oh sorry, I forgot to reply you". That doesn't sound very nice and sounds like a lame excuse when it's really true. But ohwells. ): I'll try to keep up with convos from all of you. ):
A memory locked at 12:28 PM
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