Thinking of you. It just aches. My heart just aches. I need painkillers that can kill the pain in my heart. Ohwell. I really don't know what to say. I think that I have not learnt my lesson from the previous incident. Well, no matter what you promise, some confessions still cannot be confessed. Because if you do, you'll just look like an idiot or a fool. KEVIN, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING CONFESSING SOMETHING OF THIS MAGNITUDE? AGAIN YOU ARE LEFT THERE STANDING LIKE AN IDIOT. Sigh. I'll hold back the tears to the best of my ability and be sure to learn my lesson.
A memory locked at 12:43 AM __________________________
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I look. I guess that when you've been too busy with other things, you're only left with a lonely night to think about things. Take almost two weeks ago when I had to work a full 12 hour shift for 3 days straight. Every single night, I'd take the bus home thinking about everything and reflecting on my day and past. That's probably why I am considering taking a week off before school starts to go on a hiatus from everyone. But that's not an option. It's irresponsible to go missing for a week. Anyway, most nights I just look out the window every now and then. I wish I lived by the sea. The view would give me a better motivation to pen down my thoughts in letters and other what-not places that no one will ever see. Every night, I just look out to the sky, knowing that if you are looking out as well, it is the same sky that we're observing. Today I plunged my head quite far out of my window. I was trying to spot a certain part of Singapore. I wasn't scared of falling over 19 stories high. In fact, I wouldn't have minded if I had just accidentally slipped down. :/ Sigh, my emotions are screwed up. I wish that a miracle would happen. I keep thinking it's impossible because of the status difference and stuff. I'm just like a helpless person. Words can never explain how I feel. Am writing unsent letters to someone. I'll be a coward and keep everything with me. Because rejection is painful and I don't ever want the past to get a single chance to be relived. And for now, this is a song that I've heard at work that pretty much describes how I feel now, about you.
A memory locked at 3:46 AM __________________________
Saturday, October 09, 2010
I guess. I'm filled with mixed emotions. I'm really in between a lot of nonsense. My life is just in a chaotic state right now. IS enrollment just had to come along and screw me up. Apart from that, I'm still thinking about what happened almost a month ago and which part went wrong. I really did not deserve anything then. Sigh. On a brighter side, I recommended something which actually turned out to be a good idea for one day. Guess that's where the small bit of joy would come from... Sigh. If only I could make everything known to someone, then I can take a huge breath of relief because I am unable to multi-task my problems. I just can't. If they came one at a time, it would be good. But no, they all come at once. Sigh. A great test of my tolerance and Faith. I shall keep on. Hoping for a greater change for a new and greater level in my life. For a new level up. For the time being, I'll need patience and tolerance.
A memory locked at 3:47 AM __________________________
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Hey you, I think that writing personal letters which the recipient will never receive is a good alternative to blogging when you need to hide your true self. Well, I shan't blog too much about anyone now. Should anything happen to me one day, maybe the people who I write to may finally receive all of my hidden letters.Till then, I shall write another letter now.
A memory locked at 9:46 PM __________________________
Monday, October 04, 2010
Her. You - I promise that I won't cause you an unnecessary tear. I promise I will not be a jerk as I did in the past with other girls. I promise you that we will have long romantic walks by the river. We will both create memories in as many places as possible. You will be my only one, and I'll be your only one. I promise you that long hugs will be a norm for us. I will show you off to my world while you show me off to your world. You'll be the envy of your friends, and I'll be the envy of my friends. We will be like the movie tales and lie under the stars. We will have the sweetest pictures of us on Facebook. The sky will be our common ground when we look up while away. We will sneak out at night to picnic by the beach. When you're mad, you will see me running after you. And finally, I will never let your hand go.
This is all for you, my dear futuregirlfriend.
A memory locked at 4:53 AM __________________________
