Monday, July 19, 2010
Walk away if you want to.
I really don't know what to say.
I never knew anything.
After two months on contemplating death,
I've found out that I should have taken that leap long ago.
The mounting stress and failures over the past two months
hasn't really been very encouraging to keep life going.
And today, I've got to know the truth.
The truth was all along there.
I was just too blind to see it.
I knew I was being used.
But I chose to think that I wasn't and kept life.
I'm really sick of life.
I'm really sick of being the one people can call upon
when they're abandoned somewhere in the middle of the night,
but no one appearing for me in the day when I need it.
I guess this is life.
I'm really sick of all these nonsense.
I'm just a back-up for you and everyone.
I'm only called when it's convenient.
One of the lesson learnt?
Don't pick up your phone when it rings at 2 in the morning.
Many others as well. But that is just one of them.
A memory locked at 12:10 AM
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Sunday, July 11, 2010
The great conflict.
Firstly, my point. The new distance based fare is an increase in fares. Some may disagree, some may not. But train fares are quite clear cut, and have been explained here. I'm here talking about buses. Obviously the fares are beneficial for some. It is most beneficial to those who have already been transferring between buses more than once per journey. But think about those who have been taking one ride without any transfer per journey. A statement released today reminded Singaporeans that the distance fares are more beneficial to those travelling long distances. But I beg to differ. Looking at a student's fare, which is the simplest, costs around 45cents no matter how far he or she travels per bus ride. But now, if he or she takes just one service anywhere longer than 5.3KM, it costs anywhere between 51 cents to 58 cents. Obviously not a saving for that child. This is just one example among many others. But the bottomline holds that the distance fares is just a nicer way of telling us: "All you who have no choice but to use our public transport system, we're increasing our fares. But don't worry, we will show you some useless examples of a small minority who will enjoy fare savings."
A memory locked at 10:18 PM
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Sunday, July 04, 2010
I caved.
I cannot stand holding it in anymore. Two years ago I was juggling in my mind whether to believe in a certain concept. A concept where females are just heartbreakers and liars who keep saying "I don't know" as an excuse. But I have re-affirmed it recently. Girls who keep telling you "No, I promise you I'm different from the rest", or saying "I don't know". It's pathetic and stupid. My conclusion is that they are all the same. Liars and people who will break you. People who do not give a care no matter what you do for them. In fact, I personally do not even classify them as people anymore. Eve should have never been created in the first place. Man should have just been able to reproduce itself or something. And oh, yes, it's YOU who re-affirmed my mindset about females. Thanks. And thanks for all the useless promises.
A memory locked at 7:35 PM
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Shit.
I've lost the most important possession,
which the CD containing all the songs I played
during my 16th birthday chalet. Damn.
I wanted to listen to it again since a few days back
and I couldn't find it anymore. I lost all FOUR copies.
Ugh.
Ohwells. Sigh.
School work is irritatingly irritating, if there's such a phrase.
And life is just so screwed. July hasn't been nice to me yet.
I don't see how 2010 will be my best year yet.
Seems more like my worst year yet. Sigh.
Shall go back to slugging out my work. UGH.
A memory locked at 4:39 PM
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Thursday, July 01, 2010
"there was this girl that i dated for 2 years
next thing i know is waking at 3:00 in the morning
with a midnight txt saying that she was brking up with me
that day i in the corner of my eye i see her in
another guys arms,i couldnt concentrate on my work
or anything else but her smile but then
it became a blur i wanted to pull a dagger through my heart
in front but then i think she will just ignore and forget"
I got the above comment from someone
who left it as a reply on one of the youtube videos.
No edits, just the original quote.
I bolded the last past
because it is really something that I've found to be true.
I really want to blog something but I just can't
because tagboard spammers will appear.
Sigh. But I've learnt.
And honestly, your girl cheating on you is not the only shit
that makes your heart be cut out and breaded with salt.
Bitching.
Bitching to other people about his work,
his life, his whatever. But in front of you, gives you the
impression that you've done everything well and acts
completely happy about it.
I just want to RUN to the windows and hop off.
Tears dropping onto my Mac.
Listening to Hillsong.
Has any of His promises came true?
Am I putting too much Faith that He will pull me out of this?
I just want to lock myself up.
And today is a good proof.
A good proof to show who is beside me now
when I'm on the brink of suicide.
oh God, why are you allowing this?
Have I not been Faithful in the little things?
Do I really deserve all this?
Why?
Sigh.
A memory locked at 10:35 PM
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